LYDS HAS MOVED ON!

Due to the constant heartache blogspot has caused me for the couple of months I've been using it, I've decided a move was necessary. A blog should act as a psychiatrist, not make me want to seek one.

For more stupid shenanigans, head on over to my new brain splatter bucket.
Follow the link children.

http://lydspace.wordpress.com

Epic Fail?

Yup.

Daddy, You're Wrong.

This new job of mine has done nothing but put a strain on my relationship with my dad. Everything he says now, I do not believe. I don't find comfort in talking to him about anything anymore because there is nothing about a decision I've made on my own that's not worth mocking to him.

I get that I'm oblivious. I get that I'm a little naive. I get that I'm different. But there is no reason for you to shoot me down. No reason at all.

"Stop dreaming. It will never happen. The sooner you wake up, the sooner you'll realize that there is absolutely no hope for you. You and your friends can dream all you want but I'm telling you now, it's not going to happen. So just forget about it."

So I'm not allowed dreams. I'm not allowed to think outside the box. Technically, my life has been decided. Anything the slightest bit above mediocre, I do not deserve. I should give up dreaming and reaching for my goals in life. I shouldn't have goals. I should think like everyone else. I should be normal. Anything different is blasphemy.

Mind you, this little conversation of ours occurred twice and he basically repeated everything he said, only to new people, in a public place and social event, so people can laugh at me with him. Enjoy the amusement at my damn expense. For him to repeat his words means he truly meant them. This broke my heart.

Daddy I love you but you're wrong.
I'm tired so I'm just going to stop trying to convince you that I deserve better than this.
I'm exhausted from arguing with you
I despise the image you've created of my future.
I'm sick of you pushing and pushing me further from my goal, and you.
I'm done counting the pieces.
It's time to mend things.
Think what you may about me Daddy but I will make good for myself.
Even if it kills me, I'll know I took the chance. If I obey everything
you say, I'd die anyway so why not the leap.

You're going to hate me for this but it's my life.
Not yours.
This life should be my idea.
Not yours.
The paths in life I have to take.
Not you.

I'm sorry but you're wrong.

Bad day. Bad life.

A Test of Patience I'm Failing Miserably

So I'm at work, pissing and moaning about work, hating work, wanting to screw work in the ass. Everyone in the office pretty much sucks. If my bestfriend wasn't working with me in the same office, I would have long long left this freaking job.

Would this be completely unprofessional of me to type? Would it? Do I really look like the type to give a damn? Really?

The thing that sucks most about my dead end is that even after work, I'm stuck in the environment. The work follows me home because my brother and dad CANNOT stop talking about work. Not for one second. No day off!!! Gaah.

I was a total bitch to everyone basically on Saturday. Just plain annoyed with everything. NEEDED a day to not speak or even think about anything that had to do with work. Was expecting my parents to go off for golf but unfortunately, due to some police case, they're not allowed out of the country.
Don't ask me about this because I have no knowledge of this either.

FML.

I feel like getting an apartment to use only on weekends. Peaceful, no work environment. I can't handle 9-5 in itself, yet alone have to deal with it 7 days a week.

A test of patience I'm failing miserably.

ENOUGH about work. It makes me want to throw up.

Let's talk about a different kind of stress. Echo Productions have been planning a rebound show after our first project totally flopped (okay not completely. Just postponed.) and our second is looking to follow in its path. OMG. This is good stress. Or so I have to keep telling myself. Promoters and agents are seriously making communication hard. It's not difficult to stay on par. Its not, i promise you. If you take the initiative to reply emails, and get yourself and everyone you're working with updated, communication will go smoothly. I promise you. So why? Why make it difficult for everyone?

Anyway, I'm typing this with a smile on my face. It's a stressful situation, yes. But it's something that I don't mind losing money/hair/patience over. Production is worth it. It's something I WANT to do. It's something I want to stress over. So I'm grateful for at least the option. The chance to pursue this.

Whether this happens or not, we have learned so much already. There's room for improvement. There's room to do better. To do epic.

So thanks. My life may suck but I'm making sure to embrace the very little good I have in it. Screw you people who're betting on my failure. On OUR failure. You're all going to hell. PFFT.

Work Break Shenanigans
Lyds - 12:40pm

Work = Shit

The bright side

Living the dream
Making lotsa papers become twins
Taking my time
Afraid if i finish this, i officially give up on my mind
The time goes slowly
Eating my brain oh gradually
Taking my time
Before I lose my fucking mind.

So here it is
My so called confession on a suicide note
Am I really that simplistic?
If this is really the last thing I write
Then its really too fucking bad

Please remember me as who I'm not suppose to be
That's who I really am
I don't hate life all that much
Rather saw the beauty it had potential to be
But wasn't
Please forgive me
For everything I'm not and you are


[song idea. dont steal this. i rarely get ideas in general. ]

Thank You But Shut Up.

<: Where did this "stud" of yours leave to?

>: Live the dream.

<: If you were my girl, I'd be "living the dream" everyday.

>: You're sweet but no.

<: No what?

>: No you're not making me feel better.


`Shush ~