I'm Dellusional But You Love Me Anyway

Come as you are.

As a friend
As a known memory

Most people say you can only have one bestfriend. I don't blame them for saying this.

I'm having trouble separating the close and the bestfriends. Are bestfriends the BEST of all your friends but one you're not close to? Okay that didn't make any sense.

I've noticed over the years that I've had difficulty keeping friendships with people. I've always wondered why but I think a few nights ago, it was accidentally answered.

It's insincere to have like 15 bestfriends. It doesn't show you have more love to give than most of us do. It means you probably have shit to talk about every single one of your bestfriends and need other bestfriends to air out your frustrations. Hey I get it. But I'm not the type.

I'm not saying that I'm the coolest person on the planet and EVERYONE wants to be friends with me but I'm patient. Because I've been through many crazy people. I could do well working in an asylum for the criminally insane. This fact makes me pretty cool.

I get uncomfortable in big groups. This is because the attention is scattered to everyone and it gets difficult to make any kind of connection or strike a conversation that would mean anything to either party. I'd like to properly devote time and effort to make ONE person fully happy rather then scatter bits and pieces everywhere hoping someone gets it. Plus, I'm very irritable. I get very unpleasant when I'm irritated. And not many people get past me with this stage.

Over the years, as I've grown older, I've managed to secure more confidence and right state of mind basically to uphold serious friendships with A FEW people. I have evolved and expanded as a person (more than you can imagine). And its hard.

So recently, I've managed to build a segregation between bestfriends and really really really good friends. Don't hate me for it. I love you. Probably not as much as you think but my love don't cost a thing. You know what I'm saying? If you do, you're probably one of my bestfriends.

Can I be subjected to join the club 27 because I'm a rockstar in my own way?

Hahahahahahahahahahha.

See, I'm funny too.

:)

Crappy Shenanigans
Lyds - 7:33pm

Survey #1

If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed come and see you?
Doubt so haha

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
80% of the time. It used to be about 100%.

Have you ever met someone who is amazing?
I've met a few amazing people. :)

Is anything on your body currently hurting?
My ass.

Are you happy with the way things are going?
No I am not.

What are you currently listening to?
21st century kid - jamie cullum

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
There are really no sides to my bed.. So both?

Ever kissed someone whos name started with J?
Noo...

Have you held hands with somebody in the last five hours?
My mom.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
A guy did once. He lied.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Probably going to watch I love you man with my bestfriend.

How was your day?
I went out to watch Drag Me To Hell with my mother. Wasn't expecting the show to be any good but it was really entertaining. People are probably gonna hate me for saying this but its true! Mad me laugh and go "SIAL AHHHHH!!!" a couple of times so it was good. Oh oh, got my favourite breakfast waffles!! :)

Do you find yourself funny?
I don't think I'm funny. I'm like super serious all the time. Fun sucker. Reaghly.

Has anyone ever said they wanted to marry you?
TWO. Seriously. All way back. And oh, I sorta asked someone to marry me 2 days ago? Because I felt bad for him. So yeah. I'm probably going to get married to someone for pity.

Have you ever slept on the floor with the person you like?
I haveeeeeee..... My high school crush. It was camp. <3

Were you single on your last birthday?
Single as hell man.

You're locked in an empty room with the person who hurt you most, any problems?
Problems? Nah. I'll just pull his teeth out.

Do you think flirting is cheating?
Flirting is a fun activity people do. Doesn't mean anything most times.

How did your day start off?
It was pleasant. I woke up, peed a little, brain farted a little.

What / who made you laugh today?
The gypsy lady in Drag Me To Hell. I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Really depends on the situation doesn't it?

Are you a jealous person?
Beginning to see that I am.

Who was the last person you sat next to in a car?
My sister.

Have you ever cut your own hair?
All the time. Can't be bothered to pay someone to do it all the freaking time.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yeap.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes.

Have you ever broken a heart?
I think I may have.

Do long distance relationships work?
I don't believe it does.

Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love?
DEFINITELY. I think some of the best relationships have the foundation of friendship.

Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
Yes. My girls and my family of course.

Are you drifting away from any friends?
I seem to do that. I'm working on a blog about it. Reasons why I can't keep a standard friendship out of my bestfriend circle. Don't take it personally. I'm just a very personal person. I don't like to have a butt load of friends and have to contemplate which are fake friends and which are real friends. It's exhausting. And plus, I have having people use the turn "BUIH" on me. Like when I can't hang out for ONE occasion, it means I'm stuck up or whatnot. Its ridiculous. I guess I'm just saying that a lot of the people I know or have been in contact with are not very bright nor grown up.

Do you know anyone who has the same last name as you, that you arent related?
Plenty. Hahahha

Who would be the first person to know if you got / get someone pregnant?
Probably Sya. Or my mom.

Ask.

Who am I?
I'm not one to inspire.
I'm not one to duplicate.
I don't duplicate.
I don't get easily inspired.
I hate your system.

What am I?
I'm angry.
I'm frustrated.
I'm iterate in a world of illiteracy.

Who are You?
You're true to the system.
You define fabrication.
You live for The Man.
You disgust me.

What are You?
You're angry.
You're frustrated.
You're illiterate.

Why are You so angry?
It's the system.
It's driving you mad.

Why am I so angry?
You're NOT the system.

Who am I?
I am my system.

Who are You?
You're true to the system.

What are We?
We were not made EQUAL.
We were improvised.

Shannigans I don't want you to get
Lyds - 1:14pm

Horrorscope

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Your romantic interests may be piqued today, but that doesn't mean you'll get exactly what you want. In fact, you'll likely face disappointment if you set your goals too high. Fortunately, your willingness to show up with an open but not needy heart can win you the love you seek if you are willing to wait. If, however, you are in too much of a hurry, nothing lasting can come of the attraction.

How doesn't this tally with what I said in my last post? Seriously horoscope, I'm the most patient person on earth. Let it rip already!!! (I may have just contradicted my statement there.. just a little.)

Superstinenigans.
Lyds- 4:37pm

Living Through Fantasy

Oh boy oh boy..

"Our boys are off tour."

If only those words were as comforting as they should be. It brings more sadness than anything and I hate feeling like this. But alas, I can't help but think what the hell would be running through my head if it weren't what it is now? Life is a little mundane without the fantasy.

I shall hold off the celebratory for a little longer.

Anyway, shitty shenanigans aside, I WAS just made extremely happy by my favourite girls in the whole wide wurrr... We're planning a trip together and nothing excites me more than planning trips!! I don't like to contribute because I generally like people planning shit for me. It's kinda the pampering the last child gets to enjoy. Plus, last babies don't make very good decisions anyway so, :). And we're taking my dear twinsie to Paris Ris theme park next month, hopefully for a late 4th of July celebration. PYSCHED!

Shitty but Sexciting Shenanigans
Lyds - 2:14am

It's Wrong To Be Right; It's Right To Be Wrong

The epiphany.

MOST PEOPLE ARE OTHER PEOPLE.
THEIR THOUGHTS ARE SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINIONS,
THEIR LIVES A MIMICRY,
THEIR PASSIONS A QUOTATION. - OSCAR WILDE

I just read Paul Arden's "Whatever you think, think the opposite" in half an hour and took a lifetime's worth of knowledge from it. His amazing insight on how things work is incredible and almost exactly how I see the world.

Every word in it meant so much to me. So much to a person who doesn't want to be normal, doesn't want to live like everyone else and refuse to give in to the traditional way of doing things. I hate being told of whats right and whats wrong.

"The problem with making sensible decisions is that so is everyone else."

I get overly furious to the fact that they actually grade art in school. My friends know this due to my response to the subject every time it's being brought up. Art is an expression, not a subject. If you're talking about it, whether bad or good things, it's good art. That's appreciation. It's an opinion, but not credible when judged and graded. It's only fair to grade art if you're a mind reader and have lived through every single moment in the artist's life. It's unfair to judge something you don't completely understand. Through the eyes of the artist, their art tells a certain story. When someone else is introduced to the same art piece, they might have a different story to tell. There is no right or wrong in Art. If it means something to you, it means the world.

"So the next time you go to an art show or look at anything for that matter, observe what effect it has on you and try to form your own opinion. That way you become the critic and not a mouthpiece for someone else's opinions."

Like I said, everything Paul Arden said in this book meant something to me. It's something I've thought but haven't had the ability to express.

Back when I was working on getting a diploma, I got graded an A for one of the presentations for a speaking class. We were required to talk about a form of performing art and present it to a few people in the class. I decided to pick one that was close to heart and a topic that I knew well and felt confident enough to venture into. Poetry. I spoke about the concept of art and how unfair it is to judge or grade it. It was like I was in a trance and everything I said was only generated at that point in time, eventhough I did come to the test fully prepared with cue cards and stacks of notes. I recited a piece by my favourite modern poem, Otep Shamaya and got one hell of a reaction from the crowd. I was glad it made such an impact. And by far, I feel that grade was one grade I can say I'm proudest of. I spoke my mind and beliefs and for the first time, someone got it. Even if he didn't quite understand everything nor agree with it, my lecturer was open to something different and unsafe and I respect the hell out of him for it. I was a bit surprised with the grade because he did start off the day saying that nothing in our content should have any violent or sexual reference in it. Mine was both vulgar and promiscious but he dug it. I will never forget that experience. It was so extremely liberating to have had the opportunity to express to an open mind.

If work is fresh and new, you can't expect to like it straightaway,
because you have nothing to compare it with.
Good art speaks for itself. That doesn't mean you have to like it.

I thoroughly enjoyed my stay with MDIS because I didn't do it all according to how I was suppose to and I had a few classmates that wanted to venture to the same direction. Later on in the year, I had to complete a graduation project. So again, I went with something I know. As I had done with the rest of my modules in the course, I took the alternative route. I did things differently and unfortunately, did not get the same result as I did for my speaking class. But I know for a fact that I didn't do anything wrong. I just did things differently. Paul Arden just confirmed it for me and made me feel better about that ridiculous C grade my lecturer gave me.

Good marks will not secure you an interesting life.
Your imagination will.

If you haven't read this brilliant book, please do. It will change your life. Fer real.

You cant afford the house of your dreams.
That's why it is the house of your dreams.

So either find a way of getting it
(you'll find the means),
or be satisfied with dissatisfaction.

So here's to you Paul Arden. I may have discovered you way too late but I appreciate your creation. Your unbelievable art inspires me to be the best I can be and I thank you for it.

I hope heaven is awesome for you.

7 April 1940 – 2 April 2008

Inspiring Shenanigans
Lyds - 9:21pm

My Mambo Number 5

So since my plans to hang out with Keiths and Bry was canceled, I was left with almost nothing to do. Well there's that job interview tomorrow to prepare for but whatever with that shit. I decided to write a song instead.

I went a while with absolutely no inspiration. Then I thought about cupid. What he'd actually look like. I refuse to believe that cupid resembles anything like that dancing baby in Ally Mcbeal. I'd say he has that European model look going on. Hair slid back with dreamy hazel eyes and full cherry lips. And just to mess things up, let cupid have 2 full sleeved tattooed arms. Now THAT'S a vision of someone you'd want to pick your man. You just know he has good taste.

Anyway, as I envisioned my ideal cupid, I fell in love with him. With the idea of him anyway. I mean, what a lonely soul cupid must be right? Helping others fall in love and never having someone do the deed for him. So I decided to write this out into a song but couldn't figure out how. So my second inspiration came about when Lou Bega hit my brain. The one hit wonder he had was a hit wonder because every Angela, Pamela, Sandra, Rita and the rest loved the song to pieces, even though the song was basically written by a douchebag with too many girls in his hands.

So I figured it was unfair that Lou Bega could make use all those women in his song and not have the female version ever written smack the scene.

Most of the guys mentioned mean nothing but most of them mean something.
So I guess everyone's just gotta wait for some kind of miracle
to get to hear this song. Or maybe not....

Wrote this song in 15 minutes. Girlie pop punk rock metal anthem ;)

Falling in Love with Cupid <3

Robert was busy
Johnny's not home
Karl is a little over his head
And Zacky's a homo

Kyle's too cute
Mike is dead
And I don't think that Stuart is straight

So Cupid, why don't you
just stay right here with me

With me...
Like we're in Old Napoli
With me..
That's Amore, That's Amore
That's sorta falling in love
With Cupid

Alex is stupid
Ian is sick..in the head
Matthew's a bitch and Joel's a dick
Why dont you just stab me with the arrow instead

cause there's never ending douchebags

Cupid You're the one
To make me fall in love
But I don't want anyone else but you
So cupid, why don't you just stay right here with me

With me...we have plenty of pasta fazool
With me...That's amore..that's amore
That's falling in love with cupid

He struck again
With more novacaine this time
Now I've fallen in love with a boy name Jim
Cause thats amore..thats amore...
Thats getting shot down...by cupid

Lyrical Shenanigans
Lyds - 10:33pm

Honesty is an Inspiring Policy

I didn't start creating because I wanted to get into entertainment.
I didn't start creating because I thought it was going to be a career.
I don't consider it a career and the only reason I can live off it is because I have a very moderate lifestyle and I'm completely well organized. I mean I'm not in the Hollywood or MTV reality. I've got nothing to do with it. It's just so fraudulent, disappointing and a set up for heartbreak. It's the endless carrot of western corruption dangled in everyone's face. They all think they can start a garage band, have a stylist and become Blink 182 or Good Charlotte, which to me is just ridiculous. When you're driven to create, and I'm not talking about a hobby or a project. When you are forced by your very nature to expel and exercise, and i don't mean exorcise. EXERCISE your demons, there's nothing glamorous about it.
It's a lot of hard work.

Inspiring Shenanigans
Lyds - 4:25pm

Hilarious <3

25 Ways to Impress a Girl

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fcuk you and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.

Funny Shenanigans
Lyds - 1:09am

Eternally Unfair

Probably a teeeeeenie weeeeeeenie bit biased. :D

Love her <3

Twitternenigans.
Lyds - 2:04am

P/s: 1 hour. Thats how long I tried to post this. I need a new laptop.

Hopeless Bestfriends

Sya: We ARE assholes and DO make people feel weird
around us. In short, we UNDERSTAND the idiots.

Lyds: Yeah. And girls are attracted to tragedies.
A is suicidal and B is hopeless. We're doomed.

(To protect all participating parties, I have excluded the names of some people in this blog.)

I believe one of the reasons why you're bestfriends with the person you're bestfriends with is normally due to the fact that you're both almost exactly alike. Sya and I have been friends (or as everyone knows, "Twinsies") for almost 4 years now. You wouldn't really consider this the longest standing friendship in history but we've been through alot. And almost always one after the other, we seem to experience not only similar, but scarily exact situations in life. It's weird.

Right now, again, we're facing the same phase with 2 boys. My boy is her horoscope and her boy and I share good taste (its true). Both of us initially got attracted to boy A and B because we shared genres with respective boys. But somewhere along the way, this thing got serious. Seriously fucked up. Things with the IE twins are never simple. In fact, the more complicated it is, the more we dig it. Because it's totally punk rock death progtal.

We're girls with mentality that boys relate to. We fall in love with the wrong kind and attract the wrong kind. We share the same hopes and dreams with little additional factors that vary. Sya's motivated but may sometimes get too caught up whilst I'm a realist and get too negative and give up. We set each other straight when we need to.

Sometimes, we're only funny to each other.

Lastly, we're both absolutely priceless.

I heart my bestfriend. <3

Heart to Heart Shenanigans
Lyds - 5:55pm

P/s: Chris Adler and Ron Jarzombek together is pure magic. I want to marry both their abilities.

I've Got A Confession

One whole minute too long.

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool
That's amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore

Its weird. The feeling of having your thoughts out there but not so out there. You're not aware of the people reading it. The wonders of blogs. I like this. I've unabled comments and refuse to get a tag board because sometimes, not knowing brings the joy in it. This is a diary containing details of which I'm free to let out or keep as many things as possible. I don't know who has read this but the mystery is nice.

I've got a confession. I like a boy.

He's not very smart, not very rich, not very handsome, not very romantic, not very secure, not very caring, not very popular with others, not very quiet, not very talkative, not very anything actually.. but I like him anyway. His physical imperfections, unstable mind, flawed personality and woes intrigue me. Girls do love tragedies afterall.

I don't know what I'm attracted to in a man. I'm still very young and have a lot of time to get to know that part of myself. But I've been so infatuated with this lovely boy that it's made my days seem a little brighter. Songs sound a little sweeter. The bad things in my life doesn't seem to hurt as much.

I can't stop writing songs about him. It's getting to be rather annoying. But a nice feeling nonetheless.

However I AM aware I'm not in Old Napoli. But it's nice to pretend. :)

I'll get over this phase. I always do. But a part of me is praying for it not to be. I kinda like this and I want this to be for real this time.

Too much to ask for?

Shenanigans turn to mush.
Lyds - 6:55pm

10 Reasons Why I Should Keep My Mouth Shut

1. I usually have nothing good to say.
   
   
2. The things I do say hurt people's feelings. Sarcasm doesn't work well with everyone.
   
   
3. When I attempt to sound smart, I usually fail miserably.
   
   
4. I usually don't know what I'm talking about.
   
   
5. A conversation should start at the worst time ever for me. I don't do this on purpose.
   
   
6. When it's time to be a chatterbox, I'm very quiet. This makes me look like an asshole. I usually say the worst things to say at the worst time after being quiet for so long. Which makes me think that being an asshole is actually better than trying to redeem myself.
   
   
7. I try to be funny everytime and everytime, it reminds me I'm not. But I forget this fact almost instantly.
   
   
8. I am very negative.
   
   
9. I am positive when it's a lose lose situation.
   
   
10. I am excruciatingly boring. So keeping my mouth shut will help to set the illusion that I'm a normal person.
    

Worst Case Scenerio - The Job Hunt

The Job Hunt

Stage 1:

You start off feeling like every job out there is not worthy of your fresh diploma/degree/3 odd years of mugging, tears, blood and brain splatter. You're too good for any of these dead end jobs with horrible incomes. You apply for jobs you'll only see yourself doing for the rest of your life and those that probably require more than the qualifications you possess. You contemplate going back to school but reality strikes you and yeah, you need the money to go back to school. So its on to stage 2.

Stage 2:

No one seems to be getting back to you. (In my case, I went to an interview with high hopes only to find out the employer didn't bother to read my resume and needed someone who had 50 years experience in the field. Same difference, bigger heartbreak.) You feel like you probably have to lower your standards/asking price. At this point, your mind is reeling to the possibility that the odds of getting your dream job seems to be very slim. You're still very much hopeful and believe God will help you through this.

Stage 3:

You go for an interview for a job that's not exactly your dream job, but it seems pretty tolerable. You figure that you're going to use this as a stepping stone to achieving your highest goal. It'll also look good on your resume and this will help you gain the experience needed for the dream job.

Months go by and seems like its a no go. You feel you're not worthy of even your second/third/tenth choice of a job. You spend a week/two feeling sorry for yourself.

Stage 4:

After a brief "Hippo Period", you decide to take on some temp jobs. This is a nice experience for you because at the end of the day, you have money and the job is not tying you down. You get to enjoy life on the side and this makes you very happy. However, you realize that it only pays for your own personal expenses and your parents are mad at you for living such a careless and self-centered lifestyle. They want you to get a real job or you're no longer an occupant in the house.

You're forced to repeat step 3.

Step 5:

The universe hates you. You're depressed, broke and your parents are in your ear every second of everyday telling you you're a bum and you're a useless waste of space in the house. You feel like you're not worthy of anything and you lower your standards to the very minimal. At this point, you're up for anything. You decide to go for the first job that wants you. It's a shitty job but you tell yourself it's not forever and that it's a stepping stone to greater things. God loves you and won't let you continue to living a life you hate. And plus, you're gonna go back to school.

Step 6:

Years go by and you're still stuck where you are. All your income is going into helping to pay the mortgage and you're getting too old to go back to college. Your colleagues hate you and your boss is either a jerk or jerks off to you. You're done. You're convinced life is over and that happiness is forbidden in this lifetime. Dreams DO NOT come true.You're stuck with the worst job in the world and find yourself incapable of enjoying anything in life. There is no God and you want Armageddon (due to scientific reasons) to come sooner than later. You're a suicide risk.

On a surprisingly good day, you decide to quit your shitty job to chase your dream before 2012.


Proceed back to Step 1.

The Worst Of Yourself

Paradox Personified.

Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you and instead of just smiling and moving on, you zing them. - Joe Fox

I think I understand what Tom Hanks, or rather the character he plays in You've Got Mail, means. I've become Miss Nasty. And I don't like this new thing about myself. I'm not a patient listener, I'm an advise blurt-er. Nothing good comes out of this. I'm being very mean to people I have nothing against and it's become very scary to live in this body. I don't think through things, I go ahead and do them. I used to be so nice. It shows on my skin even.

I've lost friends. One good guy comes in mind right at this moment. He was one person I could go to for an intelligent conversation. But I said something hurtful to him. And now, he seems to not care so much. Well, not care at all rather. I haven't spoken to him in months. I wish I could say I'm sorry but I'm sure he has forgotten all about it. I'm sure he has forgotten all about me.

So, how do I go back? Back to the person who wasn't so shallow. Someone who knew to keep her mouth shut rather than rant like a train and regret it later. I'd rather be that person that lays in bed at night pondering over things she SHOULD HAVE said rather than things she wished she hadn't. :(

Shitty Shannigans.
Lyds - 9:56pm

The Inspiration

The epiphany overcomes me.

Since I've been so bloody down lately, I've decided to write it out. Into a book. It's not going to be an autobiography... tsk. How self absorbed do you think I am????? Jeez...

I've just had this ability to commentate everything that happens, every day of my life since I was 13. Somedays, I'll see a knife on the kitchen counter and go:

"The knife slowly sinks into her thoughts as her mind reels with possibilities of someone in this house, cleverly ushering an almost poetic sign of whats to come."

This happens. I shit you not. My life is like a horror comedy and it's only building its starting plot. You'll never believe the kind of stuff that happens to me. The ironies and such. Absolutely ridiculous which is exactly why I think it's such a fabulous idea for a book.

I had recently met with someone who has become a great lesson in my life. He happens to be a very attractive boy (who gets paid to look the way he does. hint hint) His life is basically a movie. Enchanted but full of drama. And anyone who's had the great pleasure of being part of his life,(even for a span of a few days) will get pulled in to this magical world of the unexpected. I know I probably sound like a lunatic but this is true. Although all of us, as human beings have our own share of stories and great adventures, if you were part of this persons life, you'll understand why it's all so different.

I don't have that kind of feelings for this guy. I honestly don't. He's the illusion every girl needs in her life. One she can look upon but can't touch. (I've touched which had just ruined it completely for me.)

Even in real life, he's not real. A poster. Plastic. Paper. Pauper to character. But enchanting. Charming. And worth that few minutes of your life. Everyone should meet someone like this. You'll have an epiphany regarding all that is beauty and how useless it can be sometimes.

Anyway............

The events surrounding this boy I've met were nothing short of a fairy twist. It was like I was actually part of his movie plot and although I was probably just an extra, it felt good to have some screen time.

It is book worthy. That's why I'm writing it. Of course, I've altered it just a little to have a nicer flow to the story. But MOST OF IT, is real.

I Shit You Not.

Inspiring Shannigans.
Lyds - 1:29am

The Hangover is Inevitable and Everlasting

Oh Joy, how i've missed you so.

I think its safe to say that I haven't been genuinely happy for more than 5 minutes these past few months. I'm not quite certain what it feels like anymore. I think the last time I was genuinely happy was maybe last year.

24 October 2008.
Avenged Sevenfold.

Most ecstatic period of my life. October was the best month EVER! It's the feeling of being excited for something. It's the feeling of having a dream of yours come true. It's a feeling, just like love. Of course, I love my Avenged Sevenfold. They're one of my favourite bands (since waking the fallen thank you. I'm the bitch who's hating on the newbies who think they know everything). The music makes me feel good and the fact that everyone else outside the Avenged circle hates the madness, it encourages me even more. Going against the flow, thats what its all about ladies and gents.

I don't quite know what ABOUT the band that makes me so happy but they just do. Showmanship, catchy songs, deal with the devil... all my stuff right there. And something that made it extra special was that I actually got the drummer's drumstick. I've never gotten one that was thrown aimlessly into the air. I CAUGHT IT. I say this because the first ever drumstick I've ever gotten from a rockstar was from Joey, the drummer of the click five. But he literally went up to me and placed it in my hand so by all acounts, it doesn't count. Jimmy THREW his drumstick to the audience and AIIIIIII caught it. Of course, I had yelled at everyone who had their hands on it to get it but HEY, Lyds has got the steeeeeeeck. :D

DEAD CENTER. :D


See Lyn in Red? i'm leaning on her and carmens next to her.
Sya was blocked by that asshole in black.

The STICK. :)

Till we meet again, Oh Joy.

Reminiscing Shannigans.
Lyds - 1:06am

Give Me A Cookie!

Something smells meaty.

Fray the strings
Through the sheathes
Hold your breath
Listen

So the goal was to finish the interviews by Sunday night and have it in by Monday but a spark of epic perseverance had hit me at around 12 am. It came easy because it was excruciatingly difficult. But I'm done :) I feel so accomplished, I want a burger hug. Or a cookie at least!

Tyson Ritter posted something hilarious on his twitter just now. Yes, I laugh at these type of things. I have boy humour so sue me.

MMMMMMM.... Yummy?

Shannigans!
Lyds - 1:36am

Listening to:
Letters to You (acoustic) - Finch

Tangible

What's with this WE thing?

Stop. Listen.
Or just shut the fuck up.

I'm hesitant to believe when my friends tell me the best characteristic I possess is the ability to stay patient with someone who's difficult or to put it simply, a fucking pain in the ass. Heck, I was once bestfriends with a lunatic. I'm not kidding. Manipulative, greedy, envious, gruesomely cold hearted, this woman is the very reason Satan isn't out of business. I'm not afraid to say this on a very public blog, at the risk of her reading because I'm pretty sure she knows shes psychotic. That person I was friends with for a long period of my life, was nothing but a road block. I achieved nothing from that friendship, other than a painful lesson in life.

With that, I've only learned to keep my thoughts to only a few I trust. A lot of the people I've had formed a bond with during that phase had turned against me, taking the side of the one causing the strain. I couldn't believe what was going on at that point and that was the first I've seen of ..betrayal? I;m not sure if that is the right choice of word. They had no obligation to take my side but had the duty of at least getting to the bottom of the truth before doing what they did. I was appalled but there was a handful that saw the situation for what it was. I didn't bother explaining myself to those who didn't, nor did I start running my gob. I got in trouble for this because people were hearing more of the lies she was spreading like a plague and my favourite teacher somehow also got involved. I was just then percieved as the girl who gave up on a helpless soul. But no one saw that I was the one who needed rescuing.

Did keeping my mouth shut really benifitted me at all? Would I rather be satisfied being the only person who knew the truth or rant out my frustrations, and cause hurt for my own satisfaction?

I've yet to figure that out. But know this.

Yes, I am very tolerant when it comes to bullshit. I handle it very well. However, it is NOT an open invitation for you to keep agitating the grenade. WATCH what you say, choose your words wisely because there's only so much this one person can take. And when its time for you to shut the fuck up, you SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I'm sick of people who think noone else matters but them. Stop and listen for a second and maybe you'll learn a thing or two. I hope everyone of this kind find the person who mirrors their actions and let's see how they survive feeling small all the fucking time.

Lyds - 7:40pm

Lya Gilbert Petrucci Hetfield

So cry me a fucking river, BITCH.

I've managed a second not thinking about you
You've managed to find something/one esle to do.

Mission is ON THE WAAAAAAAAY!! I'm done with my first interview and I've got 2 more for the weekend. My brains a little rusty. I need to get back into shape!

Oh, I was out the whole day today going around Singapore looking for stickers to stick on my Little Lya. (For future references, Lya is my green acoustic guitar.)

I bought 2 individual stickers and 2 others that come in many many different variations. Now Lya looks like an Angsty Girlie Acoustic. Hahaha

Heavy Fucking Metal Acoustic. The Irony Was Intentional. The tiny thing in the corner
is a little burger. Another intentional doing. Somewhat memorabilia to Mr Burger. :)

A shiny skull to cover the crappy brand.
Haha. And yes my strings are green. :)

Shannigans Later!
Lyds - 2:49 am

Listening to:
Romance is Dead - Parkway Drive

Finally An Assignment!!

Caffeine does not own me.

The sweaty burger has got me all in knots again.
How I wish something small I did would
make such a reaction for someone.
I wonder how it feels like to be broke and famous.

I'm working on 3 email interviews with bands I have honestly never heard of, until today of course. Some of those new American pop/punk bands that will probably be in the line up for warped tour.

Warped Tour had always been on my list of crucial tours to attend. Unfortunately, my music taste seem to have evolved along with age and I tend to expect more of the music industry. It's awful that I just sometimes refuse to give bands a chance sometimes but I like what I like. Some things just don't do it for me anymore. I'm not as easily impressed.

But working for SHOUT! has somewhat forced my ears open to some new stuff. I hate to admit it but its because of shout that my current favourite band is my favourite band right now. I won't say what band but they're the exact type of music that I'd condemn to the fiery blazes of hell, back in the day. Kids, good music is good music. If you like it, don't force yourself to hate it just because your friends don't think its cool. In secondary school, the people who made fun of me for liking Good Charlotte are now huge screaming teenies for that very band so I can tell you for a fact that the person telling you that your music is crap is just full of cow shit. Honest to blog.

Anyway............

Hopefully, if I stop procrastinating like I'm doing right now, I'll get one band down today. Another tomorrow and the last on Sunday. Hand it in by Monday. That's the plan. I'll report back when/if I get this plan into motion.

Shannigans Later!
Lyds - 1:12 am

Listening to:
A Permanent Rain - The Dangerous Summer

In-fact-uation-somnia

I can't sleep. My eyes water from lack
of it and yet they seem to keep awake,
anyway.

I think I like you too much.

But I'm a Pisces. I trust that you're
just a passing phase who just happens
to be a jerk..

like them all.

Shannigans Later.
Lyds - 4:50am

Emails and Bi Polar Bear

I am completely and utterly exhausted.

I had major mood swings today. It scares the living bejesus outta me thinking it could be bi-polar disorder. I was awoken by a text message from my bestfriend about Lady Gaga. We're trying to win tickets to no avail. We haven't listened to the radio for centuries and was downright hating every minute of the gutting reunion. I was absolutely estatic to hear the Click 5. That's not good at all.

I do like the Click 5 though. Is that chessy and lame? I don't know. They've got catchy factor. Of course, having all 5 members graduating from MI, one of the most prestigious music universities in the wooooooorrrrrlllllldddddddddd!!!! They'd be chased down by the school with pork swords if they didn't. I like the music but not so much the people. Douchebags.

Anyway.......

I was all bubbly and happy in the morning. Switched on the stereo for the contest, switched to CD mode after I lost and started swaying around the room to Jason Mraz's new record. Had an awesome pair of chocolate+vannila waffles and orange juice for breakfast. Lovely. Noone was home and I had never felt free-r.

Twittered all over the place and checked my email. Got a reply from Cathay about my job application.

Hi Lydia,

Noted on your reply. We will contact you by 10 Jun 09 if you are short-listed for interview.

Regards,

Angela

Awesome. There's hope. I hope.

Spent the next 4 hours floating basically. I did the dishes dancing around. I was, for no reason, happy.

At around 4:30pm, I baked myself a BEAUTIFUL looking cheese pizza. Its one of those put it in the oven for 10 mins and taadaaaaaa type of pizza. I usually have it UNDER cooked. Sometimes even not cooked at all it seems. But this time, I patiently did everything slowly and the most perfect little pizza was born. Best I've ever made. Just when my oven went DIIIIIIIING!, my parents came through the front door. They bought food. Great.

Suddenly, everything sorta just went downhill. I got so pissy afterwards and I had no idea why. It was a weird sensation. An out of body experience. I see myself acting like a total disgusting brat but that was all I felt I could do at that point. WATCH myself be a pain in the ass. It happens alot and I've yet to find an antidote.

7:30 and my sister is back from work. I was back to normal mode. My family decides to go bowling. It was awesome. I tripled my scores as we went along. I rocked.

Got home to about 8 emails. One of which was from my editor. It said:

hey :)
would you be able to do some phone interviews w/ bands here in the US? I'm not sure what the time differences are or if you'd be available around US bands' schedules...

I was semi ecstatic. What a great opportunity! So of course, I replied:

Hey Ash :)

I honestly think its a great opportunity but I don't think I can afford to pay the phone bill. I wish I lived closer to there. :( Rates to the US are crazy and we're 24 hours ahead so I'd have to do interviews at the wee hours of the morning. Haha.

But if you need me to be a transcriber while Singapore is having this ridiculous musical drought, I'm game.

<3

Oh yes ladies and gents, I suck. Or rather, my pocket sucks. I wish I had more money. If I did, FUCK phone interviews, I'll go to their show! Every single fucking one of them. Goddammit.

So I'm stuck with email interviews for now. I hope this drought doesn't last. I'd kill for an out of my room job.

Shannigans later.
Lyds - 4:01am

My Invalid Reasoning

I must really hate myself.

This is about my 100th blog on cyberspace and I seem to possess this urge to keep setting up new ones everyday of my life. It's so easy, I just want to keep doing it. I rarely change layouts or add vivacious fonts or pictures. I believe the essence of a blog space is the words scripted, not the skin. Kinda like how everyone should see other people. Appreciation for beauty is one thing. Image obsession is another. I'm just saying.

Anyway.......

My therapist a.k.a a random acquaintance of mine said to me the other day that I should let out my frustrations and talk about it to someone. He ended that topic with "It helps. I promise."

I'm a shallow promises believer but very experimental when it comes to life. So I decided to try this shit out. The whole letting out your feelings thing. I'm not too keen on shoving my stupid ramblings up someones ass so a spark of brilliance encouraged me to start up ANOTHER blog. One reserved only for MY thoughts alone and nothing commercialized or the typical

bullshitbullshitbullshitbullshitbullshit.

There are so many things I can't say on my archives page, so many things I can't say on my myspace and facebook can eat shit. I have personal shared blogs with some special people whose thoughts genuinely inspire me but splattering brain guts on there is just like shoving stupid ramblings up their ass and I like these people too much to do that to them. You know who you are

Forbidden thoughts are Rad.

Shannigans Later!
Lyds - 2:34am

P/s: That's the last time I'm using the word rad. I officially declare the term UNCOOL.