The Worst Of Yourself

Paradox Personified.

Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you and instead of just smiling and moving on, you zing them. - Joe Fox

I think I understand what Tom Hanks, or rather the character he plays in You've Got Mail, means. I've become Miss Nasty. And I don't like this new thing about myself. I'm not a patient listener, I'm an advise blurt-er. Nothing good comes out of this. I'm being very mean to people I have nothing against and it's become very scary to live in this body. I don't think through things, I go ahead and do them. I used to be so nice. It shows on my skin even.

I've lost friends. One good guy comes in mind right at this moment. He was one person I could go to for an intelligent conversation. But I said something hurtful to him. And now, he seems to not care so much. Well, not care at all rather. I haven't spoken to him in months. I wish I could say I'm sorry but I'm sure he has forgotten all about it. I'm sure he has forgotten all about me.

So, how do I go back? Back to the person who wasn't so shallow. Someone who knew to keep her mouth shut rather than rant like a train and regret it later. I'd rather be that person that lays in bed at night pondering over things she SHOULD HAVE said rather than things she wished she hadn't. :(

Shitty Shannigans.
Lyds - 9:56pm